Losing Perspective On Nick Gruber

Aristotle Eliopoulos
Authored by
Aristotle Eliopoulos
Pop Culture Guyd!
September 18, 2013
2:32 p.m.

nick gruber

I usually avoid the D-list celebrity stories by imagining that the “D” means diarrhea. Who wants to touch diarrhea? Not me! However, this particular story involving Nick Gruber that has been circulating the Internet was one I couldn’t resist talking about for a second. The Huffington Post wrote a little while ago that Calvin Klein’s on-again, off-again blonde fling Nick Gruber was reportedly booted off of a Fire Island party a few weekends ago by being rude, and even demanding gays not to touch him. The party, which was hosted by Lucas Entertainment CEO/penis mogul Michael Lucas, allegedly rubbed Gruber the wrong way after he announced to the crowd that he was straight and didn’t want to be touched by the various gay men around him.

When first reading this story, I didn’t know how to react, mostly because the story didn’t make a lot of sense to me. Jeez, mother-fucking Louise-Parker, I don’t know anyone – even the straightest of boys – that don’t understand the connotations of a trip to Fire Island. Looking at Gruber in the perspective of this news story, I felt upset by the incident, but also looking at this story in the context of a media whore who enjoys the titillating details of celebrity gossip (I’m talking about myself), I felt like I wasted my time reading a story about hate and discrimination that involved a boy I really could not give two-major defecation sessions reading about again.

But sure enough, when you don’t want something, the odds of coming across it again always increases in probability; like running into an ex-boyfriend, or doing a Gwyneth Paltrow cleanse you forget almost killed you the first time you did it. In this case, it was an article via Queerty in which an email apology from Nick Gruber about the Fire Island incident surfaced; all because according to the site’s writer, the email – and its response – was forwarded by none other than Michael Lucas himself.

The email, which you can read in the link, doesn’t detail the incident that much from the party, but does include a flimsy apology from Gruber, and an equally flimsy response from Lucas that says nothing, but also everything about what occurred between them that Fire Island weekend.

Combining the leaked email with a recent interview that Gruber did for GayStarNews, I’m telling you with my expert eye, that there is absolutely nothing to see here that even garners a moment of your attention. In the interview, Gruber’s responses drip with media rehearsal and PR recovery tactics: dropping the specific names of the people who did invite him to the Fire Island party, their charitable donations to the foundation that sponsored the party, information about his next venture into an extreme-sports training company (whatever that means), and not to mention a hardly subtle shout-out to the PR company that represents him. When asked questions about Calvin or the Fire Island party directly, Gruber is silent, choosing most of the time to say “no comment.” And that’s fine by me, but it reveals the fact that Gruber isn’t looking for any negative press, and more importantly, isn’t looking to slander Klein in anyway or be held in a spotlight for what he has done.

Why is that important? Well, if Gruber himself isn’t looking for controversy or press about his past relationship with Klein, then why are we interested in it, or rather him, at all? As a person, Gruber comes across as pretty insignificant in the world of pop culture; his only link keeping him relevant was his relationship with Calvin Klein, and that’s long over. The only thing preserving his online presence seem to be news story pushed forward by certain individuals who don’t like him, or only want to ensure that he keeps receiving negative press. But a better question to ask is, if you don’t like someone, why would you give them any attention or press at all?

That may feel like a silly question given the entire way we look at pop culture news, but let me put it into perspective. For example, you may despise Miley Cyrus, and want her to fail as a musician, but when you watch her new video for “Wrecking Ball,” you’re watching something with clear reasons to provide commentary. She’s a past Disney star, posing nude in a video and creating an argument about whether or not she should be coming across as so overtly sexual. Combining this with the fact that she isn’t backing down at all and she continues to stay explicit in her appearance and press, keeps giving us reasons to both discuss her and not like her. With Gruber, he isn’t doing anything right now in his own accord to be provocative or attention-grabbing, and anyone who continues to write about him clearly doesn’t know when a media story like this is dead – myself included.

In my opinion, the Queerty article that published the email comes across as a means for Michael Lucas and the website to stir up drama based on something that looks personally motivated. As a pop culture writer, it offends me when someone uses their power or influence to get a story to press that just isn’t interesting. Now, I am an adult and I realize how the media works and that this occurs all the time, but I like to think that in the gay community, and us being a gay culture looking at culture, we’re smart enough to know when we should stop paying attention to something that isn’t fun, exciting, or at least aesthetically appealing. As a writer for GuySpy, you can post a naked photo of Gruber and I can see the relevance or spark of interest it may create (a lot of people have a Trevor Donovan thing they need to satisfy), but as soon as you try to suggest the man has enough substance that we should pay attention to him beyond his appearance, you better have the best fucking story that is ready to blow my fucking mind.

And I admit it, I’m not completely blame free. I mean, I am writing about the man too. All I’m saying is that when you do see a story like this online, a story that is beneath you, a story that feels a little too fuelled by hatred, or even suggests some form of a more intimate power struggle between the parties involved – ignore it. Mostly because, it will never be as fun as reading about Gwen Stefani’s children (and marvelling at the fact she never has brown roots), looking at photos of Kate Middleton being great and skinny post-royal baby, or even thinking about Naomi Watts and what she’ll wear to the Oscars (a Princess Diana biopic and a sexy, stylized cougar movie with Robin Wright? Girl has got it going on, right now).

And if you want to blame the media attention Gruber is receiving on the lack of interesting gay-related news right now, then you should be ashamed of your inability to properly use the internet. We’re currently in the midst of a 2014 Diva music takeover with the likes of Katy PerryLady GagaBritney Spears, Rihanna and even Cher. CHER! I could write on these topics alone and I still wouldn’t even have enough time to scratch the surface. What’s your excuse? And that’s just me looking at my niche of pop culture. Talk to anyone following politics, current events, music, film and theatre, and they’ll probably have something much more exciting to talk to you about than what Nick Gruber is doing right now.

Remember, if you’re gonna have and use the internet, use it to its fullest advantage. Use it to watch fake videos of girls catching fire faux-twerking, watching Lady Gaga put on a one-woman production of The Wizard of Oz, or even just to Google Image search Victoria Beckham’s skinny arms. Because in the end, it’s your time, and it’s your time on the internet. There are much better things on the internet to waste your time with than focusing on some twinky blonde. Unless you do want to waste your time with a twinky blonde, because there is one site I can recommend where you can do that, and trust me, if you play your cards right, you’ll be having a lot more fun than any comment section on Nick Gruber can give you…

"After Earth" New York Premiere - Red Carpet


Anonymous User
Underhill (Guest)
6 years, 9 months ago

Oh gawd I hate this man, uuughhh. He is the opposite of batman.