Full-Frontal: The Best Crotch Shots in Mainstream Film (NSFW)

The sad news that Fifty Shades of Grey will not feature any full-frontal has left many of us devastated. Fear not, however! Jezebel is here to pick up the rubble and distract you with the 50 best (theme, you see?) peens you can see on-screen. Trust us, these pictures will make your mood rise.
As a former video store clerk (with the smug, “unimpressed by your choices” attitude many have come to love and expect from people working minimum-wage jobs that others aren’t cool enough for), I have a great fondness for letting people know all about the accidental and not-so-accidental genitals they may see in a movie of their choice. I was never shy about letting customers know if the movie they were renting had an excellent dick shot of a beloved celebrity or an especially good butt scene. I used to do that with porn, too, but stopped after I noticed that one of my customers became visibly agitated when I started talking about how awesome the camera work was in Trunks 2, an excellent pornographic feature all about dudes who love other dudes who love speedos and also taking them off and fucking butts that have just been in speedos.
But this is not that.
This is a compendium of the most important bulges and full-frontal peen that one can see in films that are available on Netflix and at their local Redbox. Some I knew, some my Jezebel colleagues helped me with, and some were complete and delightful surprises.
The biggest surprise was that this took me more than four hours to put together.
Please note that the following are not in particular order (except number one, which is self-explanatory), but the photos do tend to get a little more hot the further down you go. Isn’t that always the way?
NSFW. Scroll as you wish.
50. Geoffrey Rush, Quills
EXPAND
49. Chris Evans, Not Another Teen Movie
EXPAND
48. Peter Hinwood , The Rocky Horror Picture Show
EXPAND
47. Vincenzo Amato, Decameron
EXPAND
46. Llan Mitchell-Smith, Weird Science
EXPAND
EXPAND
45. Jason Biggs, American Reunion
EXPAND
44. Peter Gallagher, Summer Lovers
EXPAND
43. Chris Messina, 28 Hotel Rooms
EXPAND
42. Michael Vartan, One Hour Photo
EXPAND
41. Skeet Ulrich, The Newton Boys
EXPAND
40. Giles Marini, Sex and the City
EXPAND
39. Steven Weber, Single White Female
EXPAND
38. Stephen Dorff, Innocent Lies
EXPAND
37.Wesley Snipes, Wildcats
EXPAND
36. James Deen, The Canyons
EXPAND
35. David Bowie, Labyrinth
EXPAND
34. These Unhappy Strippers, Magic Mike
EXPAND
33. Mark Wahlberg’s Prosthesis, Boogie Nights
EXPAND
32. Jason Segel, Forgetting Sarah Marshall
EXPAND
31. That One Football Player, Any Given Sunday
EXPAND
30. Vincent Gallo, The Brown Bunny
EXPAND
29. A Whole Nude Beach of Dick, Euro Trip
EXPAND
28. Harvey Keitel, Bad Lieutenant
EXPAND
27. Richard Gere, American Gigolo
EXPAND
26. Kevin Bacon, Wild Things
EXPAND
25. Some Random Dude All Up In John C. Reilly’s FaceTyler Nilson, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
EXPAND
24. Giant Dangling Penis, Hall Pass
EXPAND
23. Michael Fassbender, Shame
EXPAND
22. Viggo Mortensen, The Indian Runner
EXPAND
21. Matthew McConaughey, Magic Mike
EXPAND
20. The Wolf, Into the Woods (PBS)
EXPAND
19. Ken Jeong, The Hangover
EXPAND
18. Sacha Baron Cohen, Bruno
EXPAND
17. Jason Mewes, Zack and Miri Make a Porno
EXPAND
16. Colin Farrell, Tigerland
EXPAND
15. Louis Garrell, The Dreamers
EXPAND
14. Jake Gyllenhaal, Jarhead
EXPAND
13. Edward Norton, American History X
EXPAND
12. Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
EXPAND
11. Whoever This Gentleman Is, Goltzius and the Pelican Company
EXPAND
10. Ewan McGregor, Young Adam
EXPAND
9. Ewan McGregor, Velvet Goldmine
EXPAND
8. Joe Mangienello, Magic Mike
EXPAND
7. Michael Pitt, The Dreamers
EXPAND
6. Peter Saarsgard, Kinsey
EXPAND
5. Emile Hirsch, Taking Woodstock
EXPAND
4. Mark Ruffalo, In the Cut
EXPAND
3. Dylan Vox, Longhorns
EXPAND
2. Jacob Newton, Longhorns
EXPAND
1. Marco Dapper, Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds (Call me, Marco! Also: You can see more of hiswork here.)EXPAND
Did I miss anything important? Please post photos in the comments.
H/T: True Nude Male Celebrities
Similar Stories:
Harry Styles Says Gender Not Important Love Interest
Taylor Swift Gets Schooled On The Real New York By This Gorgeous Drag Queen
Watch Lea DeLaria, Orange New Black Star, Confront Homophobic Subway Preacher
Comments